Obscurum Per Obscurius

It's so weird. I generally use my blog to rant and rave and rave and rant about the various injustices of life (maybe. Do I?). Today's no different. I still have weird@$$ problems with my friends - something I haven't had in quite some time. This time it's a different person though. And I have no clue what's wrong (again!). I'm think of changing my name to Forever Clueless. Come to think of it, it does have a ring to it, doesn't it? :P

Can I officially die???

Why does thou want to kill me?
Why does thou want to squeeze the juices out of me till I hang like a limp rag doll?
Why does thy bloodshot eyes create chaos and hysteria?
Why, O, Why?

Sem I ends to the sound of shrieks,
As the exams trudge to its end,
Volume does a man's face speak,
A 20 marker left near the bend.

Marks, O, Marks!
Come nearest me,
Thou pleasant smile,
Thou body free!
No hassle of
Giving backs and knees,
Of grooves and flanges,
Copper wires and keys. 

Why do you have to be a chatterbox ordinarily, but when it comes to actually talking a person's head off, you suddenly fall silent and give off an impression that you're just not into it? Why, O Cruel World? How can you have a million questions buzzing around in your head at one moment, and go blank the next? Is that the sign of an amnesiac? A psychopath? A serial-killer psychopath?

Oooh... I dunno. I certainly might turn into one considering I've to reach college by 7:00 in the morning. How am I supposed to reach college? The metro. Does the metro run so early? I think it does. But seriously, do I want to go on an eerily empty metro, thinking that a nutcase is waiting around the corner to strangle me to death the whole time? Though I doubt a nutcase would ever even get up that early trying to find victims to strangle on eerily empty metro trains. Bah!

Anyway, I've to go help with the decorations for the moot court tomorrow. There will be rangoli and god knows what else. I'd rather spill fake blood all over the stage and place fake corpses in strategic places. And when the delegates enter the auditorium, slam the doors shut, throw the place into complete darkness and play a chilling tune in the background. And throw spider-webs over them from the balcony. And lizards. And alligators with creepy little eyes.

I'm gonna have so much fun :D

Have you seen 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'? There's a part where she tells Peppard about the mean reds, when she ends up going to Tiffany's because it comforts her so much. My comfort during my mean reds are my mom n friends. I had one last Thursday. It was just a silly thing, but I suppose I took it rather hard. Just when I crashed rock-bottom and I wanted to call up a gangmate, that my mom called. And it felt amazing talking to her.

I hate the mean reds. But I love talking to people really close to me when I'm in such a mood. I love them :)

Asthma leaves me fatigued. The only thing I can manage to do is gasp for air. It succeeds in making me look like a drowning fish. Yesterday, in class, I kept yawning and gasping for air. Was NOT sleepy. I think I managed to make my professor think that her class was the most boring one I'd ever attended. That's not true. The class after this particular one was one of the most boring I'd ever attended.

The horizon looks gray
The fog rolls in
The ultimate test
For someone to win.

The race starts now
The whistle blows
Your eagerness
Your determination shows.

The track isn't clear
The lines are blurred
I need help
You don't listen to a word.

The silence rolls in
Everything seems like a lie
But I have sworn
I won't cry.

You give it your all
To reach the finish line
For your ultimate goal
Is to shine.

Somewhere along
You forget it all
The past seems forgotten
Behind a wall.

You don't look behind
But if you had
You'd see someone shocked
Bewildered, sad.

It shouldn't affect me
Nothing more than a sigh
For I have sworn
I won't cry.

There are but few occasions in a lifetime which make you realize that even though you could adapt to anything, letting go would mean letting go of a perfect, ideal world. Maybe it's not cent per cent ideal, but it's the closest to perfection your life would ever reach. One such momentous occasion has presented itself to me. With the ending of my undergrad, I've realized I've lived through probably the best years of my life. I generally never got too close to people because I knew I had to leave them soon, what with Dad being in the army and us having to shift every couple of years. Yet this time I didn't do that. And it was amazing!

The time that we have spent together would never come back. I know we're all going to be very busy ahead. I have no idea how often we're all going to meet. But I know that we all have a connection that's never going to break, no matter how much effort is put into severing it. I feel so incredibly lucky. And so incredibly sad. I love my gang and I'm going to miss these guys like hell :'(  

Opal passed away on the 8th of February, just two weeks ago. I couldn't bring myself to write about it before, hence... I can't believe it's been two weeks actually. He passed away on a sunday and it's sunday again. It seems like it's been a couple of months at least.. But it's been just two weeks.

I miss that lout. He was such a crazy cat. He would turn up his nose at the cat-food given to him, would make just about any corner of the house his own personal restroom, would be a complete baby - he really knew how to keep everyone on their toes. I miss his antics. Mom, dad and Pearl miss him too. The house seems so empty without him..

I'm finding it difficult to shove the image of him in mom's arms, mom crying, telling me he's no more. I can't forget the fact that I wasn't there with him when he passed away. I can't bring myself to sleep in my room, because we both shared it. I look at his photos - he could've put any supermodel to shame! I feel good that he doesn't have to suffer anymore, but I would love to have him back any day.

Opal, you'll be loved forever, baby.

Opi

I just finished seeing what I consider to be one of the best products of hindi cinema, or overall even. Rarely have I seen a movie so fine as this one. Aamir, starring Rajeev Khandelwal, is a movie to reckon with. A forceful direction by a first-time director, Raj Kumar Gupta, superbly shot in the heart of Mumbai, starring one of the most restrained actors I've had the fortune to see. The movie is extremely short by normal Bollywood standards, just over one and a half hours. But what you get is pure class. The movie takes up the old theme of jihad and tells you how something extraordinary can actually stem out from the ordinary. No one would ever believe that a guy who is suspected to be a terrorist can actually be a completely innocent man. Yet, when you watch the movie, you realise it's perfectly possible. The movie made me think - how many of the people we accuse of being terrorists are actually one? It grips you, increases your heartbeat rate, makes you realise how much horror can be present in a perfectly normal environment. It makes you cry for Aamir, for his helplessness, for his family, and for the ultimate win of good over evil - which is not known to anybody else and would never be known.

When you see how superb the movie is, you get to know the level of involvement and dedication of the entire cast and crew. But most prominently, you see a debutant who is in a race with the Khans, the Roshans and the Kapoors, and who beats everyone hands down. Earlier, I considered Hindi cinema to have only Aamir Khan as a true actor. I'm glad to say that now there are two true actors now. Words fail me as I try to write about Rajeev Khandelwal. His performance speaks for himself. One of the finest ever. The music score, given by Amit Trivedi, also a first-time music director, is soulful and incorporates a lot of sufi. My personal favourites are 'Mehfooz' and 'Ek Lau', both of which moved me tremendously.

Aamir is definitely a must-watch, not to be easily forgotten. One of the best pieces of art to come in our way in a long, long time.

Rating - 10/10.

What's the most complicated part of your life right now?

The most complicated part of my life right now is the part I used to be so sure of a month ago. My best friend isn't there anymore. That's not to say something's happened to him. He's in the pink, yellow, green of his health. He just isn't my best friend anymore.

I discovered recently during my exams that he has problems. With me. A host of them. He'd kept them all inside and spurted them out after a month or so. The funny thing is, when I'd told him in December that I felt the comfort level between us dropping, pretty evident from the way he screamed really badly at me thrice among other things, he said everything was fine from his side and that I was just imagining things. And whenever I had a problem with him, I just went up to him and told him. Now, barely a week ago, I found out he thought he'd made a mistake by 'choosing' me as a best friend. How do you choose a best friend? Eenie, meenie, mynie, mo? And after a whole plethora of accusations, I lost my temper. The very guy who had told me a day ago that he could handle my anger told me that our friendship had ended.

I don't know what to think or what to feel. I just know that I want to sort out the bitterness between us. We've shared far too many good moments to just throw away a relationship like this. But I also know that I'd never be able to trust him. I don't think I can trust someone who has problems with me and tells me it's the other way round, no matter how stupid that may seem.